Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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