I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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