Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
