i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
