Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He felt like a one man threesome
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
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I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
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im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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