What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
