I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
