And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
