Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Randomize
