You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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