Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
