What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
