it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
