I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
