he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
