nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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