this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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