I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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