On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Randomize
