If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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