I need to stop coming to work sober
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize