I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
