So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
