that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
