Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Please don't give away my fajitas
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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