Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Are we still banned from the library?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
