My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
