YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
