How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
