Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Randomize
