he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
