Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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