when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
