I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
