I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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