And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
