i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
