apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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