So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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