I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
it was like his penis was on wheels.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
