While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
