DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
