so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
