So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
