butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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