The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
