I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
