i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
