TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
