Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
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Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
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We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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