Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
