There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
