We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
