i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
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I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
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Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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