If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He has the fingertips of a God
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