He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i came on her dog
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
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