My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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