i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
