Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
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last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
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I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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