I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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