Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
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They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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