pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
