so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
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I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
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Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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