Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
