I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
