:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
