hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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