ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
