Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I need a beard to bite.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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