shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I want to be your penis for a week.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
