No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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