She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
