I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
