I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize