Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
