Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
