Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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