dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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