Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Are my feet made of real feet?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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