My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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