Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
