Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
