I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
