My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
