I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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