I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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